Sunday, May 13, 2007: itune songs.
its so funny how much just listening to worship songs can minister to me, no matter what time.
i will live a child in awe of You.
i'll be serving in crossroads kids in church next sem. i'm very excited to teach these kids because i love kids and i want to guard and protect them with the word of God. i want to be able to see these kids grow in His love. seeing their innocent and joyful faces, you just want to reach out and hold them. at the same time i also feel very inadequate because i am afraid of teaching the kids the wrong stuff, especially since they are at the learning age. there's so many things that i feel that makes me think i'm incapable. but i believe God can equip me. so i guess pray for me as i take this step of faith to want to serve Him in this area of ministry in church.
i was thinking about how blessed we are to be given the right to be called God's children in the bible (John 1:12). God then is like our Father, He cares for us, He teaches us, He loves us. He will gladly do anything for us. as a child, there are so many things that we do not yet understand, but God gladly blesses us with wisdom, God uses circumstances to teach us. as a child, we are unstable, we are weak, but God holds us by our hands and guides us. as a child, we are stubborn, but God gently unveils our eyes to see the goodness of other things, ways and methods and God also disciplines. as a child, we are incapable, but God equips us. as a child, we face many trials and problems that we dont know how to overcome, God protects and guides us. as a child, we need to be dependent, and God has given us His word and the Holy Spirit. God undoubtedly has done so much for us. my God is respectable, and i
am in awe of Him.
You hold the universe, You hold everyone of us.
i recieved an sms today from my mom, about how the doctor gave my grandfather 1-2 weeks at best to live. looking at the sms, i cried. thinking back to how indifferent i was to my grandfather and his illness last year, even when i was at the hospital, i felt so terrible. its when things are just about to come to an end, only then can i feel how much of an importance my grandfather is to my life.
i look at my grandmother and how no matter how tired she is, she is still so devoted to my grandfather, she takes care of him everyday, and despite his illness and his approaching death my grandmother can still be so cheerful in the midst of the chaos in family. i remember the day my great-grandmother died and how much and bitterly she cried, and looking at her now, i admire her for her courage in the face of the death of her husband. i admire her even more for her love for God, that she can still be joyful in the hope and knowledge that my grandfather can go to heaven.
how i wish that i had spent more time being cheerful about going to visit him, instead of finding it a chore, that i had been less self-centered about myself. but the one thing that i am thankful for, it is that he has become a christian and i trust that he is going to heaven after he dies.
You go before him, You shielded his way. Your hand upholds him, i know You love him.
into Your hands i commit again, for You Lord.
today in service was the song "with all i am", and there's a long history with me and this song. this song was the song that i sang in response for my final decision to follow God. this song was the commitment i made with God. singing this song today was a painful reminder of the many times that i have disobeyed Him since i sang this song. is the reason for my living all about Him? have i been walking closely with God? have i really been trusting Him all these whiles, through my ups and my downs? how many times have i thank God for the blessings and even the trials He has given me? do i still stand and say that i will worship Him despite all my inadeqacies and incapabilites?
i will be still and know that You are God.
a shout of praise.
12:20 PM
